reality vs running away
Enough with the sappy shiz. We about to get REAL. I’m here to tell you I’m having a quarter life crisis. The weather is getting nicer which you know what that means… Time to question all your life choices.
Let me tell you how my one day off of the long weekend has been going. I just spent $250 online and I’m not even really sure what I bought, I applied to about 27 jobs, I savasnaed the majority of my overly packed vinyasa flow class cause it was an oven in there, I watched fifty six snaps and stories of my friends from all over having way more fun then me and laundry and “type resignation letter” are on my to-do list for the rest of the afternoon.
I don’t feel home. I don’t know how else to put it. I feel like I’m being pulled by the universe somewhere bigger and it’s getting to me that I’ve been resisting it. I’m working two mundane jobs that really do more then pay the bills but I know there is more for me in this world then a bank account. I feel like I’m torn between reality and the highs I want to chase.
“Well what crazy antics are you on to next Jenna!?” You are probably asking yourself. Here is the thing… I’m not telling. This is huge for me because I am THE WORST at keeping my own secrets. I’m the type of person who gets SO excited for things and I tell everyone. I can’t help it. I want to talk about these exciting things cause talking about it makes me more excited and that gives me a high. I know no-one cares half as much as I do, but I feel like all my excitement puts these expectations on things and sometimes… things just don’t turn out. It’s life. We accept it and move on but for some reason I feel like I let people down when these events in my life don’t pan out (Aware how crazy this sounds, just stay with me) So I’m not telling people what my potential plan is this summer, It depends on a few emails that should be coming through this week. Thing is people are going to say what they want. End of the day. This is your life… Make it one you’re proud of. Stay tuned….
It’s funny. I was chatting to a couple of friends this weekend and I kinda mentioned that I was planning something but choosing to keep it quite. My friend Emily was obviously frustrated I wouldn’t tell her but she said something I really liked when I explained to her that I didn’t want to tell people my plan. She said to me…
“But you always follow through with your plans… You make these grandiose plans, and actually follow through. You’re like I’m going to Muskoka BYE, I’m going to Asia, BYE, I’m going to Australia BYE, Going to Europe BYE, I’m moving out BYE, Ski Week sounds fun BYE”
My parents said the same thing… They were like “But Jenna, You always do what you say you are going to do. This was so reassuring to hear. I’m extremely impulsive. I’ll get an idea and I’ll make it happen as quickly as I possibly can. I don’t take the time to really decided if something is a good idea or not. I just do it and figure it out on the way. I don’t know if this is a good thing or not but I’ve decided not to worry about it. It’s worked out in my favour so far… I guess.
I committed to the thing I was referring to 4 paragraphs ago. I have a very unclear path ahead of me right now but that is okay. Last night I actually kinda had a bit of a breakdown wondering if I made the right choice and thought about how much safer it is to stick with the predictable path. Having no idea what the next few months are going to look like or having a very clear idea of what the next few months are going to look like is a weird choice to make. I started re-reading Brooks blog, and if you think my blog is decent, read this https://missbrooktakesontheworld.wordpress.com/page/2/
Thinking about Brook and how out of anyone in the world she is the person who would know the answer to this. “Should I do it?” I thought about it and laughed at how she would of answered this questions… “OF COURSE YOU SHOULD, COME ONNNNNN” God, what a vibrant soul. Heard ya loud and clear Brookie. I’ll make you proud.